The Shoulder Dragon Cafe is packed with everyone you’ve met over the course of your digging expeditions, from professors and cafe managers to congregations of assorted fairies, and some familiar faces from the lunch and dinner crowds. The cafe has even recruited the octopi as eight-limbed shoulder dragon scritchers, deftly preventing most shoulder dragon-inflicted incidents.

At the center of it all sits a giant booth sized for dragons, though at the moment its occupant is the newly awakened brachiosaurus. Despite his metallic composition, he eagerly crunches through the leftover vegetables from your first dig while the professors explain everything that has happened since his (speculated) era and his reawakening.

Around his feet whirl and beep three X-ray machines. The newest arrival’s fashionable hat features a yellow Glorbo gloriously riding in its teacup. (Though, now that you think about it, there should be a fourth – and the faint lemony scent ought to be stronger.)

“I’m glad the little ones were useful in reawakening me! Though, when my husband and I decided to retire, we didn’t expect a Dirt Empire, of all things, to rise and fall atop our old laboratory,” Gary the Brachiosaurus says as he pets the X-rays and blows rings of steam for the pterodactyl fairies to flutter through. He eyes the mechanical components you’ve brought in (and cleaned) from the gardens. “By the way, have you seen him? His name is Harvey, and is a mechanical brachiosaurus, like me. He would be in possession of the rest of our invention’s parts.”

Some of you explain the additional mechanical components you dug up at the Enchanted Vine, and his face literally lights up. His tail swishes happily. “Oh, joyous day! Once we find the rest of him, we’ll be reunited, and he’ll be utterly ecstatic if he wakes up to our fully repaired machine!”

What is their invention for, anyway? You mean to ask, but the professors have already claimed Gary for more questions, and between increasingly esoteric answers you pick up on time portals and alternate dimensions and mechanical life as Gary leans over to tap some instructions into the X-ray machines. The X-rays and pterodactyl fairies zip out the doors of the cafe on whatever task they’ve been given.

Well, you’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, you’ve done a good thing, creating so much and helping so many people along the way, and deserve a bit of time to relax. It’s time to enjoy the spoils of your hard-earned work!

Main Collection

Grape Collection | Lemon Collection | Pear Collection | Strawberry Collection

Congratulations to first place Team Pear, second place Team Strawberry, and joint third place Team Grape and Team Lemon!

We’d also like to thank all the players for another fantastic round of Battleship, whether you posted works, beta’d works, strategized, spreadsheeted, or cheered others on. The event wouldn’t be possible without your efforts!

Each member of Team Pear and Team Strawberry will get to pick one tag to be on next year's boards. Any member of Team Grape and Team Lemon who posts two or more treats to their team collections between the end of the game and the end of anon period will also be able to pick a tag.

In addition, any player can claim a tag by playing Rare Tag Bingo! Create a copy of that spreadsheet and select at least 25 tags that were claimed 25 or fewer times during the game. Then, create a bingo card (no free space) here or with another bingo card generator. Post works claiming these tags (and fulfilling prompts) into your team’s collection, and once you complete a line of five tag squares, submit your completed bingo card by either posting it in the #rare-tag-bingo channel or emailing it to battleshipexchange@gmail.com. (Optionally, cheer others on in the channel, or share your own progress!). This tag claim stacks on top of placement and treat tag claims. The deadline for earning a tag claim is the end of the anon period, but treats are always welcome.

But first, congratulations on a Battleship well done! Feast upon the over 3000 works created since the start of Battleship! We encourage you to be generous with your kudos and comments!

Creator reveals will be in two weeks: August 13 at 11:00 am EDT (3:00 pm UTC).

Over at the Fraise Lounge, you are utterly covered in dirt, but you watch in excited satisfaction as the pterodactyl fairies place each of your uncovered machine components on the blueprint. Now Professor Zzt can assemble the machine, and you’ll finally be able to go home. This has been such a progression from seafaring.

Professor Zzt, however, is nowhere near the blueprint. Instead you find him at the edge of the garden, chatting to a little spark in his tiny hands with a concerned, then newly intrigued expression on his face. He flutters over to the blueprint and starts to prod at the components, taking some notes in sparkling, floating writing. A couple of you sneak closer, hoping to overhear something, and as you start to pick out increasingly loud cheering…

Wait a second, those voices aren’t just coming from the spark. Neither are those footsteps. You turn towards the cafe just as a giant dragon swoops through the garden’s gate. “You found it! You really found it!” he’s shouting. And trailing behind him are some of your companions! You even spot another X-ray machine among the crowd. It’s.. wearing a wiggling pear? Your own X-ray machine (and Barry Turtleberry on top) rolls up to reunite with its counterpart.

There were indeed two machines in the cafe garden! Professors Fuzang and Zzt contact their other colleagues in the area (how does a giant dragon use a tiny spark-communicator, you wonder?), and soon the garden is filled with archaeology professors, the rest of your separated companions, and even café managers, who are apparently also interested (and willing to let their quest-assigned adventurers leave their duties).

Everyone watches, enraptured, as the professors and (mostly) pterodactyl fairies assemble one of them into a giant mechanical brachiosaurus. At first, nothing happens, but then the pterodactyl fairies breathe their fairy dust into vents along its long neck. The brachiosaurus glows for a moment, and then a giant cloud of steam huffs out its nostrils.

“Hmm… Just five more centuries, please…” the mechanical dinosaur grumbles and rolls over.

One of the machines has been rebuilt! You still have another one to go, but the professors are busy debating the implications of their findings, and the pterodactyl fairies are occupied with helping energize the groggy brachiosaurus and helping him take his first few steps in however many eras.

And on the other hand… You look around at everyone’s dirt-covered clothes, and the giant mounds of dirt in the increasingly crowded garden.

“...Why don’t we head back to the Shoulder Dragon Cafe?” you suggest.

TEAM STRAWBERRY COMES IN SECOND PLACE!

Members of Team Pear and Team Strawberry will get one tag claim each for next year’s board, and pears will feature in next year’s lore! Teams Grape and Lemon, in joint third place, can also earn a tag claim by posting two treats by the end of the two week anon period. There may be an additional opportunity to earn tag claims through treats – stay tuned!

But, hmm… Something is happening with Team Lemon…

As you’re heading over to the Shoulder Dragon Cafe, you hear frantic beeping and whirring somewhere below you – looks like your X-ray machine has recovered from its rest! On top of it is a giant red button that says “PRESS ME!” Obviously, you do.

The world around you freezes. Your companions in the distance are stuck mid-pose, Professor Fuzang is suspended in the air, even the wobbly metallic brachiosaurus wobbles no more.

“If you’re hearing this, one of us has awakened, but the other is still buried deep underground,” speaks a message emitting from the X-ray machine. “If it wouldn’t be a bother, could you excavate both of us? Ah, and please forgive the time bubble – I’m sure you have plenty of your own responsibilities, and we wouldn’t want to keep you from them with our demands. This will give you all the time you need.”

Team Lemon now has access to the Team Lemon Continuation Collection! Treats from Team Lemon optionally posted to this collection in addition to their usual team collection will remain hidden beyond the main reveals time, until either Team Lemon completes Board 3 or the work is removed from the Continuation Collection by the creator.

All treats may continue to claim tags and boss points as usual, in accordance with any post-game arrangements with their team. If your team has yet to complete all Bosses and Boards, you have the optional challenge of completing them.

This officially concludes the main Battleship 2025 game! You have 48 hours from the end of the game to edit your works, which will be revealed on July 30, 2025 11:00 AM Eastern Time. Please remove placeholders and otherwise make sure your works are ready to go live!

Due to an AO3 bug, works posted shortly before collection reveals may get caught in an unrevealed state. To prevent this, the team and main collections will be temporarily closing at 11:00 AM EDT on July 29th, 24 hours before reveals.

You’re about to go and find the woman and ask about pay (you did overhear the cooks talking about being paid in grapes and you hope that’s just their slang), but when you step outside the mist is even thicker than before. Also this doesn’t smell as good.

“Don’t you know anything!” The woman again. It’s like she’s everywhere all at once. “How could you think it’s a good idea to give all that to an octopus? Don’t you know they can’t help themselves from building! Now it’s got a whole fog machine going!”

You wander your way through the thick mist, stumbling over something you are certain is one of those teapots you uncovered, until another voice heralds from the mist.

“You need to keep digging!” The voice of the professor. “There are so many more things to find, but you’re close, I can feel it. And have you tasted this donut flavored tea? Absolutely dee-licious if I do say so myself.”

Well, it’s not like you can do much else with all the fog. After some more wandering, you almost literally stumble across your shovels, and take them in hand.

“Oh, and one more thing!” The Professor calls. “I heard you were looking to go home? I have it on good authority you can, well, you can make your own contraption to get all the way back to the real world. It’s just a matter of finding all the bits and bobs. I’m sure I saw a diagram or the like in one of the octopus’s books.”

Grape Board 3 Grid and List of Goals

Grape Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

The first team to uncover every machine component will win the 2025 round of Battleship Exchange! The remaining teams will continue competing until one claims second place.

“Hurry up!” a voice calls – the manager, you think. “It’ll be dinner rush soon enough. That dragon-fueled hot pot is not going to fill itself.”

Is that where the mist is coming from?

You’re trying to squint through the fog when the manager comes up to you. Her hands are now carrying large bushels of grapes.

“There’s someone I want you to meet,” the manager says. “A visiting archeologist, very important. The professor. Over there.”

She nods her head in the direction of a man kneeling down in the dirt. If it weren’t for his size and relative lack of dirt, you’d have mistaken him for another of the golems. You go over to him.

“Hello, professor,” you say, and he stands back up, taking you in behind those thick glasses and bushy beard. You like him immediately.

“This is an extremely interesting place,” he says as he squats back down and pokes at the dirt. You follow him, curious, but also afraid of more golems popping up. They’re sweet and friendly, sure, but they also came out of the dirt with no warning and you do not want to be on the receiving end of that. “You know, I think it’s just the place I’ve been looking for. It’s been written about, spoken about, and perhaps I’m the lucky one to find it.”

The professor’s eyes glimmer as he speaks and you can’t help but feel his own excitement filling you.

“Like what?” you say.

“Oh, strange things, interesting things. Artifacts, magical dirt…” He smiles, it lights up his whole face. “You should keep digging and see what you can find.”

Grape Board 2 Grid and List of Goals

Grape Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

Lore is part of the fun of Battleship, but it has no bearing on the actual game. You can skip posts tagged "lore" if you just want the game instructions.

When we left our heroes...

You take your winnings off to the Shoulder Dragon Cafe, planning to settle in for some hot pot and a well-deserved rest. You also really want your new octopus friend to meet the shoulder dragons; you think they'd get along well.

But when you step through the door of the cafe, there's a weird shimmering blur. It's magic, but not a kind you've ever seen before.

Inside the cafe, things seem... different. Everything looks flat, and pastel-colored. Every sound is tinny, and just at the edge of hearing, there's a little song playing over and over and over.

"Welcome to your first day as a cook at the Shoulder Dragon Cafe!" cries a cheerful voice. It's a rainbow-colored shoulder dragon, hovering over one of the tables with jerky flaps of its wings. "I'll show you how to keep our customers happy! Are you ready? Let's get cooking!"

"Oh no," one of your companions whispers, just as you start to really regret pushing the buttons on those mysterious goblin machines. "We're in a cooking simulator."

A new round begins!

It seems homes for dwarves, mermaids, sprites, and trolls are not the only things being built on the construction site. Each day you glance out the window of the Shoulder Dragon Cafe and see curious things going on. Until one day you look and see four new buildings. Not only that, but each has a large garden sectioned off. Taking a closer look, you see it’s not only vegetables growing. Is that pizza? Is that a bone?

“You’ve leveled up,” one of the Shoulder Dragon Cafe sprites tells you all as you look out the window, watching. “Time to go across the way.”

You'll miss the Shoulder Dragon Cafe. People, creatures, and animals have come from far and wide to taste test the delicacy of your hot pot. But you know the call to adventure still whispers – and you’d like to get home. Maybe. Eventually.

So gathering both old and new friends, you venture across, and as you get closer you see that atop each building is a fruit. The Fraise Lounge reads one, a juicy red strawberry good enough to eat just out of your reach. The Pear Wiggler that does indeed seem to be wiggling. The Lemon Pucker Cafe and Adult Bookstore that smells of sharp, tart citrus wafting through the air. The Enchanted Vine that sparkles above you.

Suddenly, a dwarf appears from under the ground. He shakes the dirt from his head and takes you all in. He might be small, but he makes you feel even smaller, like he can see right through you. “Are you the replacements?”

You don’t know what to say.

“For the golems,” the dwarf says. He sniffs. “I have to say, not sure you’ll be able to live up to them.”

“Well,” you say, “we can certainly try.”

The adventurers gather around this small, strange man and stare at the four cafes. Just as you’re about to start helping divide up teams, you hear something coming from the nearby lake. You stop, frozen in fear, as four huge octopuses rise from the water. They’re various shades and you’re pretty sure at least some of them have to mean poison: yellow, red, green, and purple.

Before anyone can react, the octopuses span the distance between you and them, and begin to toss players toward the different cafes. You find yourself flying through the air, sure this is the end of you, but thanks to the magic of fiction, you land safely on your feet.

Team Grape

You are one of the lucky adventurers to end up at the bright purple door of the Enchanted Vine. You can smell the tang of wine, of juice, the fresh greenery of grape vines that all but engulf the cafe’s windows.

Before you can knock, the door flies open and a woman in a loud purple dress stands there. Her clothes seem to move on their own, flowing in the nonexistent wind. You try and see beyond her but the vines have made the inside dark. You can smell something delicious, and your stomach grumbles.

“Enough of that,” the woman says. “It’s about time you’re here. Quickly now, it’s lunch rush soon and we need our vegetables.”

Well, you said you wanted a job.

“Oh!” The woman says suddenly. “Make sure you get plenty of dirt, too. You want to upgrade the cafe, don’t you? We’ve been hoping to install that patio for a while. Let the customers get some sunshine, you see.”

Your eyes still haven’t adjusted to seeing inside the cafe with how dark it is. You can’t imagine it’s a popular cafe.

And did she say dirt to… upgrade? Whatever, this place is weird enough, might as well listen to what she says.

When you step onto the loony dirt of the gardens, a screen appears before you. X-ray scans available: 144.

It just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

“Uh,” you manage to ask, “what’s your name?”

The woman waves you off. “Just call me the manager.”

Team Lemon

The Lemon Pucker is a maze of a place, with lots of cozy nooks for reading and some curtained booths in the back for… um… let's just say those are for private reading. The air is filled with the scent of tangy citrus. Patrons are drinking lemon verbena tea and nibbling on lemon poppyseed cake. It's well-lit and peaceful, and you wish you could just sit down and enjoy it.

But you're here to work, and the cafe manager immediately pops out from behind the counter and bustles over to you. He's short and round and is wearing a yellow t-shirt that says It's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine. "Welcome, welcome, welcome!" he cries. "We're so happy you're here!"

He introduces himself as Mr. Snikkit ("No relation, it's a different spelling, you know") and takes you out behind the cafe to where there's a big garden plot. It looks totally barren. Nonetheless, Mr. Snikkit gives you all shovels and instructs you to start digging.

"What are we going to dig for?" you ask skeptically.

Mr. Snikkit gives you an encouraging smile. "Whatever you find!"

Someone behind you snorts. "I don't think we're going to find anything but dirt."

"Oh, yes, save the dirt!" Mr. Snikkit exclaims. "Very important dirt."

He dashes back into the cafe, saying something about dragons and golems. None of it makes any sense, but that's par for the course.

As you fan out across the garden plot, looking for places to dig, a display pops up with your level goals and tools. Apparently you can use an X-ray machine for… something… 144 times. Maybe to see what's happening in those curtained booths.

You stare out at the dirt (important dirt) and sigh. It was more interesting at the Shoulder Dragon Cafe, where you got to actually cook. But grinding is how you level up, so you heft your shovel and set to work.

Team Pear

You sigh with relief at this interlude leaving you alive and on dry land. You’ve been deposited in front of the Pear Wiggler, so you decide that this must be the place to start.

You push open the suspiciously juicy door and see a space where the architect’s plans must have gone pear-shaped – rather literally, as the interior is in the shape of a giant pear. Staircases run along the edges of the café, leading to suspended booths of various sizes, and a fountain of pear juice occupies the center. The ceiling is covered in pears that are wiggling in a most disconcerting manner.

“Oh, the new employees!” a passing server says. “Thank pear — we really have been noticing the golems' absence.” Like everyone else, he is dressed in bright green, with a hat that looks like a giant pear has been mashed on top of his head. Somehow, it, too, seems to be wiggling. “Quick, go report to the manager. We don’t have much time before the lunch rush, and I think the kitchen was running out of vegetables.” You allow yourself to be directed to the base of the pear juice fountain and think that a quick run to the market to buy new ingredients would be a nice and easy task to start with, assuming you don’t get waylaid by the octopus or something else ridiculous in your usual fashion.

The manager, however, disabuses you of this notion. “Oh good,” she says. Somehow, in her green dress, she looks like a giant pear with legs. She has a slightly less giant pear smooshed on her head. You think you can see the juice dripping down her hair. “The vegetables are ready for harvesting. Go out and dig them up.”

You nod, hoping there won’t be any sudden floods or cave-ins or giant creatures flinging you about. A glance at the garden patch reveals nothing but dirt is visible. “I don’t see any vegetables?”

“That’s what the x-ray machine is for,” she says, and points at a cubical contraption on somewhat rickety-looking wheels. “On the screen you can see your vegetable target for this morning. Oh, and remember to save the dirt you dig up!”

With that, she leaves you to the dirt. You see a bunch of ostensibly vegetable-related numbers, as well as the text X-ray scans available: 144.

Suddenly, a pear mashes itself onto your head. You yelp and look around – all your friends are also newly bepeared.

“Just because you’re new doesn’t mean you can violate dress code!” the Manager shouts.

You sigh as the pear juice drips down your cheek. Looks like there’s nothing for you to do but start digging.

Team Strawberry

The sweet, luscious smell of ripe strawberries fills your nose as you step into the Fraise Lounge. It's a large yet cozy space, with big soft pink armchairs and green runners twining up the legs of hand-carved wooden tables. All the servers wear cute little hats of strawberry leaves and polka-dotted pink aprons. And there sure are a lot of servers, all bustling around trying to look busy, even though there's hardly anyone else here.

"Excuse me," you say as one hurries past with an empty tray. You're pretty sure she's just been carrying that tray back and forth across the cafe and won't mind the interruption. "Um, we've been assigned to cook here."

"Oh thank goodness," the server exclaims. "Stray! It's the new group!"

Stray is apparently the name of the person who comes out of the kitchen, wiping their hands on their apron. They've gone a step further than the servers and dyed their hair green, arranging it into leaf-like sections above their cheerful pink face. Or… are those actual leaves? You don't want to stare, but you've also never seen a strawberry/human hybrid before.

"About time," they say, gesturing for you to follow them through the kitchen and out the back door. "Since the golems vanished, we've been struggling to meet demand."

"Not to be rude," you say, "but... what demand? You don't seem to get a lot of customers."

"Just wait until the lunch rush!" Stray laughs. "Trust me, we'll need everything you can dig up and then some."

The garden plot is a big square of plain dirt. "But nothing's growing out here," you say.

Stray hands you a shovel with a wink. "Start digging. You might be surprised. And save the dirt – if we get enough to build a patio, we can handle even more customers."

As you take the shovel, a dashboard appears with a set of indicators: target amounts of vegetables, something hidden with a question mark, and the confusing sentence X-ray scans remaining: 144. It's weird being inside a video game, but at least you're clear on what to do next. The other members of your team get shovels, and you begin to dig.

Instructions for Board 1 are here.