Battleship Exchange

You take your winnings off to the Shoulder Dragon Cafe, planning to settle in for some hot pot and a well-deserved rest. You also really want your new octopus friend to meet the shoulder dragons; you think they'd get along well.

But when you step through the door of the cafe, there's a weird shimmering blur. It's magic, but not a kind you've ever seen before.

Inside the cafe, things seem... different. Everything looks flat, and pastel-colored. Every sound is tinny, and just at the edge of hearing, there's a little song playing over and over and over.

"Welcome to your first day as a cook at the Shoulder Dragon Cafe!" cries a cheerful voice. It's a rainbow-colored shoulder dragon, hovering over one of the tables with jerky flaps of its wings. "I'll show you how to keep our customers happy! Are you ready? Let's get cooking!"

"Oh no," one of your companions whispers, just as you start to really regret pushing the buttons on those mysterious goblin machines. "We're in a cooking simulator."

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THE GAME IS OVER... FOR NOW

Congratulations, everyone! You've done an amazing thing. Take a look at this year's stats and be awed!

Main collection | Crystal collection | Mermaid collection | Tunnel collection | Volcano collection

If you were on Team Tunnel or Team Crystal, you can claim a tag for next year. If you were on Team Mermaid or Team Volcano and you completed two or more treats during the anon period, you can claim a tag for next year. If you guessed a board 2 rule correctly, as verified by the Spreadsheet Fairy, you can claim a tag for next year. If you made two or more gifts for giftless/treatless people, as verified when your work was accepted into your team's collection, you can claim a tag for next year. These claims stack! Please claim your tags here.

We welcome your feedback in comments on this post or emailed to battleshipexchange@gmail.com. Please send feedback one of those two ways even if you also left feedback in Discord; that channel scrolled real fast and we want to make sure we didn't miss anything important.

It seems like just minutes ago that Battleship 2024 began, and now it has come to an end. It's been an incredible ride full of surprises and delights. Thank you all so much for being a part of it.

Join us next year for BATTLESHIP: ISEKAI EDITION!

The dust has settled from the earthquake, and you've recovered many of the mermaids' colors and the cave trolls' pretty rocks!

There's a lot of other stuff here too, including some of the goblins' discarded machines. One of your team members is an engineer and tries to get them working again, but it's hard to figure out what they're even supposed to do. You push buttons but nothing happens. Eventually, eager to get back to the surface, you leave them behind.

The mermaids and cave trolls have vanished from their former homes, which is weird, but you figure that means more loot for you. And the best prize of all is what you find when you emerge above ground: all the friends you were separated from at the start of this adventure. You hug them joyously and share the tales of all your deeds underground.

Together you head back to the cafe, eagerly discussing what you're going to do with all your winnings, but soon the ground begins to shake again and you hear more rumbling. You hurry around the last bend in the road, worried about what you'll find.

But it's fine! The Shoulder Dragon Cafe is just where you left it, looking the same as always, with a big sign out front that says "NEW! HOT POT!" Across the road from it is a big construction site, which you quickly realize is where the shaking and noise came from. On one side, a huge cave is being excavated from a hill. On the other, a crystal dome is being built. In the middle is an artificial lake surrounded by greenery. Signs in Dwarvish warn of treacherous ground where tunnels are being dug to connect them all.

A spark-sprite flits over and chirps, "Hello! Thank you all for mining so much useful stone for us! We realized we had far more than we needed for just a few gates and such, so we've decided to get together and build a new home far away from those annoying goblins. Plus we can get delicious meals at the cafe whenever we want, and hang out with all of you! Honestly, I don't know why we didn't move sooner." Eyeing your bulging packs and pockets, he adds, "By the way, did you ever find any of the things the goblins stole?"

You all look at one another, bid a silent farewell to your dreams of wealth, and return the belongings of the rainbow mermaids, cave trolls, spark sprites, and delving dwarves, trying to make it seem like that was your plan all along. But they're so overjoyed to have everything back that they reward you generously in the currency you like best: new stories to read and listen to, and new art to look at! You're rich after all!

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Main collection | Crystal collection | Mermaid collection | Tunnel collection | Volcano collection

Congratulations to first place Team Tunnel, second place Team Crystal, joint third place Teams Mermaid and Volcano, and all our players on another incredible round of Battleship. Please enjoy the THOUSANDS of works that have been created for this game! We encourage you to be generous with your kudos and comments.

Members of Team Tunnel and Team Crystal will get to pick one tag to be on next year's boards. So will correct guessers from board 2, people who made two or more works for giftless and treatless participants, and Volcano and Mermaid members who post two or more treats to their team collections during the anon period.

But before you dive into reading, listening, looking, and treating, please take the time you need to rest and recuperate, and to bask in what we've all accomplished. And please join the mod team of Soulstoned, Leaf/Tavina, Eirvyan, gaialux, Firebird/Asymptotical, and lailah_tov in thanking:

• azurrys, cricketdust, DontStopHerNow, and eicas for tagmodding
• connect_the_stars for work check assistance
• tuesday for Shoulder Dragon Cafe lore
• toadheart for the pixel art rewards on board 3

...and everyone who coordinated strategy and boosted team energy and made the Battleship Discord such an awesome place to be. You're all amazing!

Go forth and feast! Creators will be revealed in two weeks.

As adventurers searched for treasure and fended off goblins underground, some exciting events also occurred back at the Shoulder Dragon Cafe.

The head chef left for adventure, and the sous chef, ever loyal, followed them.

"Who will cook the food?" a treasure hunter turned server and shoulder dragon carer wondered. "I'd help, but there are so many shoulder dragons who need neck scritches, and I only have two hands."

"I'm really busy raiding the dragons' nests to be sure they didn't pilfer anyone's ID papers. We don't want a repeat of that incident with the Minister of the Interior," another retired treasure hunter said.

"What if we have the customers cook the food themselves?" the hostess suggested. "Hotpot is popular, and we accidentally bought way too many tiny pots. There are enough for every table and for the shoulder dragons to keep one each for their hoards."

"But we don't have any tiny stoves to go with them," the hoard tidier said. He would know. He went through every nook and cranny of the place several times a day to be sure the dragons didn't make off with anything too important.

"Don't we?" the server asked, gazing at all the shoulder dragons flitting about and remembering how easy it was for throat scritches to turn into flames.

The hoard tidier sighed. "I'll start preparing more waivers."

"And I'll start training them to do it on purpose!" the server said.

# # #

Despite the danger, dragon-fueled hotpot was a major hit.

"Well," the hostess said, watching the customers come close to charring their fingers again and again, "it'll be good to give the customers variety again."

With the help of your new animal friends, you finally disable the borer just as it breaks through a wall and lands in a huge, shadowy cave. Climbing out and looking around, you realize the cave is packed to the roof with treasure—the trolls' pretty rocks and so much more.

You're weary and you're mad. You just wanted to do a good deed for the cave trolls and snuggle some cute animals, and those nasty goblins went and ruined it. But you'll show them. You'll steal all their treasure, return the trolls' rocks... and keep the rest of the loot yourself.

But in the distance, you hear the sound of voices. It seems that other adventurers have found this room and are pillaging it too! You'd better hurry and stuff your pockets before those other adventurers pick the place clean.

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Grid and list of goals

Volcano collection | Requests | Prompts | AFIRB search

Each square on the 10 x 10 grid hides a treasure. Squares have four tags each. Each tag on this board also appeared on a previous board. All 100 squares must be cleared to complete the board.

Team Volcano members (and only Team Volcano members) should post works to the Volcano collection. Each team member is capped at 10 works per board.

The first team to completely clear its board will win the 2024 Battleship Exchange!

With the combined powers of the entire team, the spark-sprites, and your new animal friends, you finally find enough dust to jam the gears of the automaton to a stop once and for all. When you get a moment to catch your breath and get your bearings, you find that you're at the edge of a huge, shadowy cave packed to the brim with treasure!

There are the spark-sprites' missing belongings for sure, but there's also so so much more—every kind of thing that you can possibly think of, and presumably all of these are stolen from their proper owners.

In the distance there's the sound of more voices, and you're entirely sure it's all those lava goblins again, hogging all the treasure for themselves.

You're weary and you're mad. You've already recovered these treasures once just to lose them to the goblins a second time. You just wanted to do a good deed, and those nasty goblins went and ruined it. But you'll show them. You'll get all the treasure you lost back. You'll return the spark-sprites' belongings... and keep the rest for yourself

But wait, those voices don't sound like goblins…It looks like the other adventurers are here as well.

You'd better start hurrying before those other adventurers pick the place clean!

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Grid and list of goals

Crystal collection | Requests | Prompts | AFIRB search

Each square on the 10 x 10 grid hides a treasure. Squares have four tags each. Each tag on this board also appeared on a previous board. All 100 squares must be cleared to complete the board.

Team Crystal members (and only Team Crystal members) should post works to the Crystal collection. Each team member is capped at 10 works per board.

The first team to completely clear its board will win the 2024 Battleship Exchange!

Not only did you dig up all the stone that the cave trolls need, you found some talking animal friends! They explain that the goblins transformed them into stone to hide them. That worries you a bit, because you didn't realize the goblins could steal living creatures. But surely they won't—

Suddenly, there's a thumping, screeching noise. An enormous borer drills through the mountain and emerges into the cave! It's a mess of gears and wires, held together with duct tape and magic and hope. As you gape at it, too astonished to run, a big mechanical broom sweeps you all into a dustpan and deposits you in the borer, along with your new animal companions and a couple of very confused trolls..

As the borer drills back through the mountain, the movement shakes off all the dust on your clothes from digging up the stone. Some of the dust gets into the borer's mechanisms, and they begin to grind. You realize that if you can just jam enough stuff into the gears, you can escape!

"We'll help!" the fox says, starting to gather dust on its bushy tail.

"I'm not made for dust collection, but I'm sure I can be useful in other ways," the turtle says. "I happen to be a mechanical engineer. I know exactly where to put the dust to make this thing break."

Together, you set to work.

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Volcano boss 2 progress tracker

Volcano collection | Requests | Prompts | AFIRB search

( Boss 2 rules )

The wait is over! Here's this year's list of people with 0 or 1 gift as logged on the mod tracking sheet. This only tracks works posted to the four team collections, not to the main collection.

Want to win the right to choose a tag for next year's list of freeforms? Make two gifts for people (or for the same person) who were on that list at the time you posted! Just put "Giftless/Treatless" somewhere in your author's note (the same way you would do to claim a tag/points) so we can note it when we log your work.

Armed with treasures and plenty of stuff, you construct makeshift barriers to strategically block the goblins’ paths while they are distracted by their shiny goods, slowly pushing them back to the pool's edge. Soon, thwarted and cornered by your ingenuity, the last of the goblins dive back into the depths and swim away... with everything you retrieved from the pool, treasure and mermaid colors alike. Some were even picking at your blockades before they were driven back, and flee with their newly acquired goods. Well, at least they're no longer in the grotto.

The mermaids are still distraught, however. "Are they going to come back? Are they going to take everything else we have?" one cries.

Another sighs, "Will we have to find a new home? I grew fond of the grotto, and the miniature dragons in that new settlement nearby..."

As the mermaids fret, you feel like it wouldn't be great of you if you just left them now. They shouldn't have to worry about goblins coming in all the time. Besides, they've been nice to you during your time here, despite your unexpected circumstances. And so you offer to help out.

The mermaids perk back up, glimmering in their monochrome excitement. One replies, "Really? Actually, we've been meaning to get someone to build a grate in the pool to keep out those we don't want, and the goblins have only made that more important. We've heard about how they steal from others and hide their treasures all over, but we never thought one of their caches was so close by..." They shake their head. "You can find all the materials here, but finding someone willing to swim the journey has been its own ordeal. If you can do it, that would be fantastic!"

They are quick to guide you further up from the grotto, where the mouth of a cave continues into the darkness. "The tunnel doesn't go anywhere, but it does have veins of ore and other materials. Dig and you're sure to find something," they explain, helpfully waving over some mermaids carrying (shell-themed, you notice) pickaxes and shovels.

Plans are already rushing through your minds and in your chatter as you pass into the cave. You have builders and planners, or at least people eager to put themselves to good use, and with your combined efforts you'll build a good enough grate to protect the mermaids. Then, surely, you can reunite with your friends.

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Grid and list of goals

Mermaid collection | Requests | Prompts | AFIRB search

( Board 2 rules )

You desperately throw together everything you can think of that a goblin might want: stories, songs, art, whatever comes to hand. At last the goblins are so laden down that they can't hold anything more. They scuttle away, taking all the treasure—not just the spark-sprites' belongings, but everything else you found and made.

"You see what we have to put up with around here?" Your sprite friend sighs. "It's just not safe in these caverns anymore. We need to build a goblin-proof fence, or they'll come back and steal more of our stuff."

"That didn't seem like just your stuff," you say. "What's with all the lore books and gems and rainbow colors and other things?"

"We didn't put that here!" the sprite protests. "The goblins have been stealing from everyone and hiding what they steal in various places so it can't all be retrieved at once. One time some cave trolls nearly smushed me because they thought we'd been stealing their pretty rocks. But it wasn't us! The goblins framed us!"

"Just another reason we need that fence," another sprite says. "But it's taking forever to mine everything we need to make it." He sniffs pathetically. "We're so small... small and weak..."

You're already getting tools out of your pack. "You don't need to play it up," you reassure him. "We're here to help you. Just show us where to dig."

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Grid and list of goals

Crystal collection | Requests | Prompts | AFIRB search

( Board 2 rules )

After a lot of hard work, you've disarmed all the dangers lurking beneath the murky waters! You and your teammates have also made an impressive-looking magical net and set up a system to strain practical boatloads of water through it, storing the mermaids' extracted colors in any container you can find—pots, bottles, glass orbs, serpent-dragon flagons, bowl-shaped shells… You've also amassed a pile of treasure fished up from the pool, with still more drying at the pool's edge.

It's strange, though. There was a lot of stuff down there. It's caught the attention of the mermaids, too, who have gathered around.

"Are all these truly ours?" one asks, peering over your spoils. "We've collected many a thing in our time, but I do not recognize these ones."

Another speaks up. "Sometimes I hear visitors passing by the grotto. Maybe they dropped their belongings—"

Suddenly, you hear shouts coming from behind you, and turn to see a crowd of unfamiliar figures emerging from the pool's depths—goblins!

The grotto quickly descends into chaos. The goblins are many as they swarm out of the pool. They send the mermaids and you and your comrades scattering as they shove aside anyone in their way, and cackle with glee as they grab at everything they can get their hands on—both treasures and mermaid colors. Some of you draw your weapons, or improvise from whatever is nearby, eager to defend the mermaids from the sudden invaders.

"Don't kill them!" a mermaid cries, just as someone hurls something heavy at a goblin's head. "There's a spell that will flood the entire grotto if a life is taken here!"

Thankfully, the projectile misses, but the situation is no less dire. While the goblins are distracted with their shiny treasures—you watch in despair as a couple stuff some into an oversized sack and dives back into the depths—you regroup and help up anyone who was caught in the goblin's initial assault.

You glance at the pile of treasures still safe by your side, then at your friends. Perhaps if you made enough stuff, you could construct some blockades to protect the mermaids. If you combine those with what treasures you have, you might even be able to drive the goblins back into the deep!

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Mermaid boss 1 progress tracker

Mermaid collection | Requests | Prompts | AFIRB search

( Boss 1 rules )